Haikus 6

Vending invisible choc
Skipped lunch. 4pm.
Poked 4-4, Mars Bars 4-5.
Empty spring turns. Fuck.

5BA7A234-71D4-4FCE-B9B3-80F45CAD24E9-242-000000467AF03ADCComing to the crunch
Our love, a snail
under boot in the gloaming.
Crushed by want of care.

Sad bastard
‘I’m shit at my job’
he thought, every day until
he just…really was.

Yahoo
When Claire put ketchup
on Steve’s risotto, he upped
and moved to Denmark.

Everything’s relative
‘Oh yeah’ he snarled back.
‘Well maybe you’ve just got a
massive twat!’ Fair point.

0A0769FF-E328-49B6-A6AB-EACDD8857B4F-242-000000495529412EOnce upon a moment
We’ve all got a book
in us. If just a short shit
one about writer’s block.

Death of a glamour model
Obituary
short and sweet. Simply read “Thanks
for the mammaries”.

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Haikus 5

56EF37D9-113F-435F-829D-18671EA8D81F-242-00000029F3A1A366Bowels of Hell
He lost respect for
Steve. That stench in the work loo.
Yes, Steve’s shoes alright.

Sofa cushion lucky dip
Eating, she dropped a
bit. Retrieved without looking.
In mouth. Eurgh. Different.

Canine Waste Executive
His job was to put
little warning flags in dog
shit. Three A levels…

Existential Skittles
By the twelfth leisure
centre vending machine lunch,
he just felt nothing.

80D33872-146A-4283-A5CF-EDA8004B293B-242-00000028AF3844AEPrick Dundee
“Call that a penis?”
said the Urologist, in
a shit Oz accent.

 

Haikus 4

Public piss palava
Fleeting panic, the
wee won’t come. Feeling five, and
judged a cottager.

Well?
Why can’t gentle, meek
civic-minded, kindly old
dears rule the world?

Services to Greengrocery
When the Palace phoned
re. the honour, he had a
carrot up his bum.

Fucking yeah
Waking from a dream
in which he was a black Sting,
he felt nirvana.

Nervous twat
The fifth time he asked
‘was it tea?’ he knew office
life would be quite tough.

Cow
Eighty-nine hours
of practice, and she finds his
dance routine ‘quite strange’.

Queen is handy
Few know that Quentin
Crisp pioneered the sport
of UCF. Yes.